Apeiron

The stars were literally dancing; galloping from one side to another, almost playing hide and seek with my blinding eyes. And then they twirled, and in doing so, went from red to blue to yellow. I danced along - in awe, in wonder, in disbelief and in incomprehension. And then I shut my eyes. When I opened them again, the dance as if ended, there they were - still, unmoving, unblinking, colorless. Almost mocking me when I raised a question.

It was a full moon night, one of the prettiest I've seen. I looked up to find the moon, and it was hidden behind the trees, exposing but a glimpse of the mysterious face. That's when I saw it. The branches of the huge neem / pipal? tree moving. Whispering. Saying shush. Singing a lullaby? Parting a secret? But they seemed to look at me and say something. I felt the brush of air against my ear. It was magical, almost straight out of fantasy land and fairy tales.

In both cases, when I stopped looking, I felt drained. Or energised. I don't know. When my pupils kept staring into what seemed like space to the rest around me, seemingly oblivious to the strange happenings in the sky above, I felt weird. Almost as if someone was transferring all of the universe's energy into my system. But, from where was this energy coming? And am I beginning to hallucinate?

In a Brief History of Infinity, Zellinni says that infinite has a tendency of becoming. Which is why, there is no limit. Because it is a never ending sequence, a series which follows. Infinity is the state that opposes the finite, limits. It creates disorder, ambiguity, unpredictability - all of the things that one craves for. Infinite is not what has nothing outside of it, but is that which always has something outside of it. But then, if infinity is ever so dangerous and creates such disorder, why is one so tending towards the apeiron?

I saw death in the face today. And I still cannot digest it. And its making me think that thousands, maybe more die every single day, every single hour, every single minute. But only a fragment, maybe just a tiny percent of the smallest divisible part of the world even give it a thought. People come and discuss about how bad it was that the person died, about whether it was the doctor's fault, or the family's or somebody else's. And then I think about infinity, our search for nirvana, our reasoning, our love for rational, our intrigue with the cosmos, with the inner soul, with the meaning of life. And I look at myself and feel stupid. Do I even know the basics, the simplest things that I'm thinking about all these complexities that probably have no answer? How does life and death work? Is there really a God? What happens when a person dies? Is it just that? It just stops at that? What about the people on Earth, the relatives, friends, acquaintances of that person? Does infinity have anything to do with this?

A few days ago someone asked me if I still hated Bombay. I wanted to tell him that I love every pulse of it. I love the dirt seeping into my back, the sweat of the people in overcrowded buses and trains mixing with my breath. I love the little street kids who make paper cameras for me and pretend to take my photo. I love the stars of this sky and the sea of this land. I love the anxiety, the apprehension, the playfulness, the hustling cars, the bustling people, the spirit, the beat. Yet, this city is cruel. Its as cruel as it can get. But Mumbaikars, Bombayiites, Bombaiyas are so in love with it that they are willing to forgive and forget over and over again. This is what I love about Mumbai.

Do I get existentialist any more? You know, about the meaning of life etc..? I just thought of something. well, if infinity is a principle, and if there is no principle of infinity, and if infinity is uncreatable and indestructible, and if everything limited has a limit different from itself, meaning there is infinity, then maybe, just maybe, I'm saying there is a minuscule possibility that life and death is also borne out of infinity? That infinity is the principle of life and death? For after all, these are the two things that create disorder. I don't know.

I wonder if there are aliens. Actually, maybe they are the ones we see as weird shapes in the clouds? If yes, then I think I met really cool ones. They were two unicorn type things and one very delicate, almost invisible doodle shape with a not so clear face. I just wish they wouldn't disappear the moment I left so I couldn't find them the next day. Maybe its their way of escaping Earth's intelligence systems (ISI).

I want to go jump in the sea and see where it takes me to.